Speaking with Confidence

Lesson 8: Speaking up in meetings

Goal: say something useful in the first ten minutes of your next meeting, and disagree once without apologising for it.

Why we stay quiet

In a study of employees at a large company, researchers found a set of unspoken rules people use to stay silent: “don’t embarrass your boss in public”, “don’t speak up without a solution”, “don’t question something your boss created” and so on. Many people followed these rules even when their manager would have welcomed the input (Detert and Edmondson, 2011). Some evidence.

The cost is real: teams where people feel safe to raise problems and ask questions learn faster and make fewer repeated mistakes (Edmondson, 1999). Good evidence. Your question or concern is often the thing the meeting needs.

Get in early

The longer you wait, the harder it gets. Make a small contribution in the first ten minutes: a question, agreeing with someone and adding a point, or a short update. Once you’ve heard your own voice in the room, the next contribution is easier. Practitioner tip.

Prepare one thing before the meeting: read the agenda, pick one item, and write down one question or point about it.

Short, structured contributions

Long contributions lose people. Aim for 30 to 60 seconds:

Your point first: “I think we should trial it in one store first.”
One reason: “We don’t yet know how staff will use the app.”
What you want: “Can we agree on a four-week trial?”

The shapes from Lessons 5 and 6 (PREP; what, so what, now what) work well here.

Asking good questions

Questions are the lowest-risk way to speak up, and often the most useful.

Clarifying: “When you say ‘soon’, do you mean this month or this quarter?”
Testing: “What would have to be true for this to work?”
Including: “Priya, you worked on the last rollout. How did it go?”
Next steps: “Who’s doing what by when?”

Disagreeing well

You can disagree with an idea without attacking the person.

Acknowledge first: “I can see why that’s appealing because it’s cheaper.”
Then the concern, specifically: “My worry is the delivery times in winter.”
Then a way forward: “Could we get a quote from a second supplier before we decide?”

Drop the softeners that undercut you: “This is probably a silly question, but…”, “I might be wrong, but…”, “Sorry, just quickly…”. Say the question.

When you get interrupted

Keep going for a few words, slightly louder, with a hand raised a little: “I’ll just finish this point.”
Or come back to it: “I’d like to go back to what I was saying about cost.”
If it keeps happening to someone else, help them: “I don’t think Sam had finished.”

The quick update

Most meetings have a round of updates. Have yours ready in three lines:

What’s done
What’s next
What I need (or “Nothing needed”)

Twenty seconds, then hand on. People will notice.

Exercise 8

Before your next meeting, write down one question or point on an agenda item. Say it in the first ten minutes. Afterwards, record in your log: what you said, how it was received, and how it felt compared with what you expected.

Sources

Detert and Edmondson (2011), Implicit voice theories: taken-for-granted rules of self-censorship at work, Academy of Management Journal
Edmondson (1999), Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams, Administrative Science Quarterly